Normal
by erin2326
Summary: The quest for normalcy.


The silence fills the air. The only thing they have left is the memory of better times. She wants to say something now, something to take away the hurt. She doesn't know what to say though, and she stays quiet. He looks at her, finally.

"I love you. I feel like I've loved you forever. When you were with...him last year," he can't even say the name "it almost killed me. But then you came back to me. And even though I knew I was only your second choice, I was still so happy. Because I thought, well, eventually she'll fall in love with me. After all, if I love her so much, how could she possibly not feel the same?" He laughs bitterly. "But I'm finally seeing things clearly now. I'm still just the guy you'll be with when you don't want to be alone. You'll never trust me. And you'll never love me."

It's quiet again. Looking up at him, Veronica struggles to find the words to tell him he's wrong, when deep inside, she wonders if he is.

"I never meant to hurt you. I've tried to change, to become someone who can just believe what she's told. I can't. I'm not that person. I never will be." She pauses for a long moment, then says the words that she knows will end this forever. "I want to love you. I really do. But I can't. It's like there's something broken inside of me that keeps from from being able to. I never loved him either. It's not that you're my second choice. It's that I'm not capable of it. I don't think it matters who it is."

"It's amazing the delusions we manage to convince ourselves of, isn't it?" Logan stands up and walks over to the window of his suite, looking out over the city. "You'll find him someday, you know. Some guy with perfect hair and perfect morals. You'll get married, have a white picket fence, and have 2.3 kids. You'll solve the case of the missing soccer mom, pick up the kids and have dinner waiting on the table. And you'll finally get the life you've always wanted. Normal. Isn't that the bottom line? You've always wanted normal. You've just never been able to see, normal isn't what we are. Normal isn't _who_ we are. I tried to be normal for you. Hell, I'm going to college, when we both know I could live on my money for the rest of my life and never have to work a day. But I knew that was what you wanted, so here I am. And now I'm just the fool who tried to change for the girl who can't love him."

She looks over at him, staring at his back.

"You're wrong," she says finally. He laughs a little at that.

"Tell me that in ten years, when you're married to some upper middle class business man. Not too rich, of course. You've done that already, and found it not to your liking. His name will be something like...Jim, or maybe Tom."

With that, Veronica stands up, angry now.

"You don't know me at all. You think you do, but you don't. You never have, and I'm sick to death of you always thinking you know exactly what I'm thinking. The only thing you know is how to make drinks that set rooms on fire, or how to piss people off." He turns around at this, ready to attack right back, but she isn't done. "You know what I've learned from dating you, Logan? That the only real thing in your life is self deception. You think the entire world is out to get you, but the only one who really is, is you. I'm so tired of it In fact, I'm done with it. For good this time. The whole on off thing we've got going on, well, not anymore. And don't worry about me tracking your cell, or any of the 'big brother' shit as you call it, because I could care less what you do, or who you do it with." With this, she grabs her bag off of the chair and storms toward the door. Logan strides over to her and grabs her arm twisting her around.

"What, I don't get my say? You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of the sanctimonious attitude that I always get from you. That look on your face when it's so obvious that you're thinking, 'I would never do something like that.' Not all of us can be like you, Veronica. Not all of us come from a place where everything turns out okay, because we can go home to a father that loves us, and protects us. Some of us come from a place where we get smacked around, or beat with belts, or have noses broken. Some of us don't have a perfect fairy tale family. And yeah, I know your mom is gone, but hey, you still have a father who isn't a killer, and didn't kill or try to kill the people you love. You want to know why I'm so fucked up? Well, there's your reason. What's your excuse? You lost your best friend. Well, I lost mine too. I also lost my girlfriend and my mother. I've lost everyone that I ever loved. And now you're walking out. Again. So tell me, Veronica, how the hell am I supposed to ever be the perfect man you're so desperate for? How am I supposed to be what you see as normal? Because honestly, I've been trying. But this is still the end. It's not normal you want. The only thing you want is to not be with someone so damn messy. And I'll always be that way."

Veronica stares at him, know she needs to say something back, try to defend herself, but she can't think of the words. He's right. And the words she spoke before, of him not knowing her were a lie. He knows her. Only too well. He knows what she thinks. He knows the reason behind everything she does. This beautiful, messy man standing in front of her knows her, inside and out. And he loves her. But more than anything he scares her. Because one day, he'll draw her so far into the messiness of his life that she'll never get out. And she won't be able to find the one thing she craves. Normal. It's the only thing she wants. It's the only thing she can't have. Maybe it's not his fault, maybe he's right. Maybe it's just not in the cards for her. But she knows that being with him only pushes it further and further away.

It's quiet again. He's watching her, waiting for something. A reaction, a cruel remark. It's par for the course with them. He's been here before, he knows what it's like. But she only stays silent. And finally, when he can't stand it anymore, he says,

"I think you should go. Off to your bright, shiny, normal life. After all, the only thing left here is me. And you've made it clear that I'm the only thing you don't want."

Veronica looks at him for a long moment, and finally walks over to him. She stands on her toes, and kisses his cheek.

"I'll see you around." And then she's gone. Off to her quest of normalcy. And once again, Logan is alone. But that's okay. For him, alone is normal.


End file.
